you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
