Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
