Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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