Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
