Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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