I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
