How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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