You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
3pm strippers are depressing
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
