Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
