when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Operation Purity has been aborted
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
