what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
