i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
