thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Randomize
