hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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