I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
We just shotgunned beers for America
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
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