It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Randomize
