I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
