So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
sex in a hospital.. check
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
