idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
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