I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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