Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
