bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
