wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Randomize
