Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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