yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Randomize
