had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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