Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
