Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
