You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
