why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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