You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
