You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
