Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
