Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
