"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
