Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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