Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
