Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
