Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
