dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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