I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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