Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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