Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
