and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
two words: eviction party
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
