I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
