I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
