i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
