Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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