a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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