just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
