the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
We got so high we made milksteak
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
